Milk-shake, rattle 'n' roll Cake

Marble Malt Kit Kat Cake 

 Cast your mind back to a simpler time. 

 
Think: black and white checker board diner floors.

Think: duke boxes pumping out sounds of the 50s.
Think: waiters on roller-skates gracefully balancing an order while zooming around a parking lot.
Think: greasy food devoured without the burden of "low-carb-gluten free-fructose-friendly-seriously can you order anything" restrictions and woes.
Think: the majestic froth topped, whipped cream bound, ice-cream lathered and lactose lavished milkshake.

  

Ah, the milkshake.

An irreverent nod to a time without fad diets, food intolerances and strict health regulations that made companies declare the possibility that; "...at some point during the manufacturing process the gluten free, fructose friendly, low lactose and nut-free product, might have in fact been invaded by a horde of Allergen Aliens who could, and probably did, slip any number of these ingredients into the product". Often, this declaration is followed by a complaints hot line number: Just call 1800-PleaseDon'tSue.

  

Alas, I digress, back to the 1950s and the iconic milkshake. 

Brace yourself: a Fistory (that's Food History...obviously) lesson is coming your way. Please keep your arms and legs inside the time travel vehicle at all times and if you feel your eyes becoming heavy and the urge to sleep overwhelming, break emergency glass and inhale copious amounts of sugar and caffeine. 

The milkshake originated in the 1800s and unlike the family friendly favorite of the 50s, it was originally an alcoholic whiskey drink, consumed  as a naughty nightcap by adults once the children had retired to la-la land. I'm guessing that it gained the nickname "milkshake" when said adults were sprung by sleeping walking children...really brings a whole new meaning to a warming glass of "milk" before bed. Come the 1900s the drink became un-whiskified and re-branded, thus becoming synonymous with the G-rated, frosty, frothy version that became so popular in the 50s. Bless.   

Fistory lesson complete. 

You may now wake up, rub your eyes and behold the milkshake cake. My nostalgic nod to a simpler time and the divine flavors of malt infused, creamy goodness. With a dense malt-choc marble cake, covered in malt flavored buttercream, surrounded by a hug of Kit Kats and topped with a halo of milkshake M&Ms, this decadent cake is gluten loaded, fructose heavy, lactose laden and simply...glorious. An ode to a time that just screams "Milk-shake, rattle 'n' roll".

Consumer Warning: while the good times do roll with this celebration cake, it is not recommended that you dust off the ole' rollerskates, grease up the creaky bones and zoom this dessert out to your guests.

Little known Fistory Fact: many a milkshake died in the 1950s due to this practice which discriminated heavily against those possessing two left feet and a severe lack of balance.

Malt-marble Cake:

2 cups sifted flour
2 1/2 tsp baking powder
150g butter
30g dark chocolate melted
3/4 cup milk
1/2 cup malt powder
1 1/4 cup caster sugar
3 eggs
1/2 tsp vanilla essence  

Preheat oven to 180 degrees. Grease and line a 20cm large deep tin.

To make the Malt infused milk: 
In a small pot over a low flame, combine 3/4 cup of milk with 1/2 cup malt powder. Gently heat the mixture, stirring with a whisk until the powder has dissolved and infused the milk. Then remeasure the malt milk to fill 3/4 cup measurement (discard any leftovers). Set aside to cool.

Cream the butter and sugar together. Add the eggs one at a time beating well after each addition. Add sifted flour ingredients in two batches, alternating with malt infused milk, beating only well enough to blend. Finally, add the baking powder with the last spoonful of flour (this will ensure that the baking powder is not overworked in the mixer). Divide the batter into two bowls. Fold the melted chocolate and vanilla essence into one bowl of batter and leave the other batter plain. Dollop the two batters into the lined tin in alternating spoonfuls, then use a cake skewer to gently swirl the two batters together forming a marbled effect.

Bake for one hour or until when tested the skewer comes out clean. Leave in the tin for 5 minutes before turning out onto a cooling rack.

Malt Icing:

160g butter
1/4 cup, plus 1 tbsp milk
1/2 tsp vanilla essence
1 3/4 cups sifted icing sugar
1/2 cup malt powder

In a small pot over a low flame, combine 1/4 cup and 1 tbsp of milk with 1/2 cup malt powder. Gently heat the mixture, stirring with a whisk until the powder has dissolved and infused the milk. Remove from the heat and allow to cool. In a mixer beat the butter until smooth and then add the sifted icing sugar and vanilla essence. Continue to beat until smooth (about 45 seconds). Add the cooled malt infused milk and continue to beat until the buttercream is light and fluffy (about 3 minutes).

To Decorate:

1 batch of Malt Icing
2 packets of Milkshake flavoured M&Ms
21 Funsize Kit Kats (my suggestion is to buy 2 Funsize multipacks, in which the Kit Kats come individually wrapped in pairs. Do NOT break the Kit Kats apart, leave them joined).

Generously ice the cake with the Malt icing, ensuring that you adequately cover the top and sides of the cake. Unwrap the Kit Kats and surround the sides, gently pressing in the Kit Kats as you go in order to make certain that they are stuck to the icing. Once the entire cake is surrounded, use some ribbon to gently wrap around the cake, not only does it look lovely, but it also helps the Kit Kats to set to the icing, reducing the amount of mess when you come to cut to the cake. Finally, open up two packets of Milkshake flavoured M&Ms and haphazardly dump them on top of the cake! There is no room for perfectionist based obsession with this stage of the decoration. The M&Ms will fall at will and it magically creates a "oh, why yes, I did just roll out of bed looking this awesome" effect, that will dazzle onlookers.

Enjoy a generous slice of this cake with a glass of cold milk. Or, better yet, why not pair it with its 1950s soul-mate; a handsomely tall, dark and creamy milkshake!

   

Choc-chip-off-your-shoulder Cake

Choc-Chip Cookie Cake 

Growing up there was only one sure fire cure for everything that ails you. 

The choc-chip biscuit. 

Witness the miracle wonder cure in action for yourselves:  

"Step right up ladies and gentlemen, step right up. Is life turning your smile upside down? Is your mouth puckered into a permanent grimace, with brow creases so deep that it puts the Grand Canyon to shame?
 

Well folks, today is the day that you have been waiting for. I present to you the marvelous, the miraculous mood mending medicine that is guaranteed to have your blues turning into rose colored hues. Introducing the choc-chip-off-your-shoulder biscuit. Step right up ladies and gentlemen, don't be shy. 

Hard day at school? 
Take 2 generous doses until the soft chocolate centers negate the ill effects of your hard day.

Exam stress? 
Take 1 every four hours until the deadline dies.

Bad baking experiment? 
Open the lid and pour the entire jar into your mouth and await bliss.

No more cookies? 
Mix together active ingredients and consume raw.

Ladies and gentleman, there is no chip too large and no burden to heavy that the cookie can't bear. The ancient blend of brown sugar, butter, vanilla essence and chocolate chip buttons are carefully brewed with ample quantities of good intentions and baked beneath golden rays of sunshine. Mark my words; the choc-chip off your shoulder biscuit will be the remedy to your melancholy melody; sure to change your tune and your outlook on life.

In the unlikely event that one batch does not fully cure your ailment, I give to you: the choc-chip off your shoulder cake. One of the 7 wonders of the baking world, this beauty has four tiers that reach up to the heavens. Each level of biscuit crunch is sandwiched together with layers of Nutella cream cheese filling. Behold the gravity defying, Amazonian cookie cake that will tower over your woes turning them into wows".

So there you have it: the super-sized miracle choc-chip biscuit turned into a celebration cake. Don't believe the hype? Well, get into the kitchen and whip one up today, as this baking wonder has to be eaten to be believed. 

Choc-chip Cookie: (Yields 4 giant cookies)

450g softened butter

1 1/2 cups caster sugar

1 1/2 cups packed brown sugar

2 tsp vanilla essence 

4 eggs   

4 cups sifted plain flour

2 tsp bicarbonate soda

Pinch salt

1 cup dark chocolate melts

1 cup milk chocolate melts

1 cup mini M&M's

Preheat the oven to 190 degrees Celsius. Line 2 round 19cm spring-form baking tins with baking paper. 

Beat the butter, sugars and vanilla essence until light and fluffy. Add the eggs one at a time beating well between each addition. Gradually add the flour, salt and bicarbonate soda. This point about gradually adding the dry ingredients is very important to adhere to as the batter quantity is enormous (after all, it is not one of the 7 wonders of the baking world for no reason). I don't know about you but I don't have an industrial mixer in my home, I have my trusty Kenwood that was been passed down to me and such outranks me in seniority. Age has not worn this beauty down, and it is always up for any task I throw at it, and in turn I show it great respect. To throw 4 cups of flour straight in and expect it to be able to mix through it would be tantamount to negligence and may result in you having to replace your mixer. Instead whisper sweet nothings to your loyal and hardworking mixer and GRADUALLY add the dry ingredients. Once the dry ingredients are well combined fold through the 3 cups of chocolate.

Using slightly damp hands, gently press 1/4 of the batter mixture into the first spring-form tin (it should be about 2cm in depth). Repeat this process into the second spring-form tin and then put both tins into the oven for 25 minutes, or until the biscuits have a light golden brown appearance. Allow the biscuits to rest in the tins for 5 minutes before running a knife around the edges and releasing the tin. Place onto a cooling rack. Repeat the process in order to make 2 more giant biscuits.

Note: You may have a little bit of batter left over and with this you have several options at your disposal; make a large cookie, make a few small cookies or eat the batter raw with a dollop of ice-cream (no one will judge you if you choose the latter option!) While the biscuits are cooling, move onto making the Nutella Cheesecake Filling.
  
Nutella Cream Cheese Filling:

1/3 cup icing sugar
150g softened butter
150g softened Nutella
100g light Cream Cheese      

Beat the sugar, softened butter and cream cheese until light and fluffy. Place the Nutella in the microwave for 5-10 seconds in order to slightly soften it, then add to the mixer, beating until well incorporated.

Assembling the cake:

Place a little bit of the Nutella Cream Cheese onto the serving platter, then secure one of the biscuits in order to stabilize the base of your cake. Spread a generous amount of filling on top of the biscuit and then place a second biscuit on top of the first. Continue layering the filling and biscuits until 4 biscuits high. Then stand back, with a glass of milk and admire one of the greatest wonders of the baking world before using a serrated knife to cut yourself a massive slice of happiness.